Men can be babies!

Dear Ashita, your father has now transitioned into a new role, with the role comes the requirement to work from home all days a week. As soon as I heard about it I thought this is bliss in disguise! I mean to do work from the comforts of your home, manage your work and home on your own turf, do your home chores while you are waiting for a report to come in….. you get the idea.

However, I have since revised my opinion. Every day that goes by Shaiwal seems to grow unkempt, restless and unfocussed. As if the zest in him is slowly but steadily seeping away. Initially all jokes on home working were taken in good humour but recently I find myself controlling my tongue coz I don’t think I would be able to stand the lash out I might get in retaliation.

Your father in sustained bad humour is not a usual occurrence and that worries me. So, I started observing him for a few weeks now and I came to two realisations, nothing ground breaking in fact just the opposite.

Not having a structured disciplined environment is not something everybody can thrive in. In fact the majority of us humans are so used to it, right from a young age – schools, religious places, theatres, offices, gyms, etc….not all of these are often disciplined but there is a structure to it, there are certain rules on the acceptable and expected behaviours and most of all the people you find here are mostly there for the same reason/purpose.

Simply put, Shaiwal misses not having an office to go to, not having a routine which comprises him getting ready for work, having meetings at work, taking breaks, talking to his colleagues, etc….. which leads me to my second realisation

2. We are all social beings and that means not just having the need to interact with your immediate near and dear ones but to go beyond and be able to talk to and observe people from different walks. Working from home takes away a huge opportunity to do just that without having to actively pursue it.

As I said before these are not ground breaking realisations but they did get me thinking in terms of a few lessons from MBA days and I went back to them in my mind. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

[Source: Wikipedia ]

Its all there but while I was being taught this I kept disparaging it as common sense and why does the syllabus include things that don’t need to be taught!’ With ignorance comes bliss and supreme confidence I guess!!

Anyways, so this week am trying to get a home work environment set up for your father and make sure he stops skipping meals and starts breathing properly again. Biggest learning of it all – ‘Men can be such babies’ ;)

P.s – need to make sure Shaiwal doesn’t read this one!!

Dear Ashita,

This is turning out to be quite a sad year for me because Yam dev (the lord of death) seems to have taken a liking to my family. I have lost yet another person, an old aunt. I was not very close to her and yet when she passed away, there was an undeniable sense of loss. A feeling that slowly an era is coming to an end and with that familiar faces disappearing.

Let me introduce you to this aunt of mine, she married my widowed uncle who had 2 children from his first marriage and came to be part of the Kunnathully family. A lady who spoke English with flair, commanded a certain respect by the way she carried herself and made doors open by her sheer confidence. A humble history professor in a parallel college and yet a woman with a strong network in society.

It’s always baffled me why she chose to marry a widower and someone who didn’t have half the sophistication that she seemed to carry. As a child I would just watch her speak coz she used to be able to carry on a conversation by herself with not so much of a peep from the other person. And she would do it quite entertainingly. She was the sort who would breeze her way through the queue and hold any grumblers at bay with her confidence, command over the English language and her audacity.

She passed away in a hospital with no family near her and a lone home nurse for care. She has a biological son, two step children and many grandchildren. Yet the days close to her death she lay as an orphan would, albeit a financially comfortable orphan.

I feel pained, my moral sense feels violated but more than all that I feel confused. Did she deserve to die alone? Was there a face to her which she had with her family that turned them against her? Was it the materialistic circumstances of this world?

I don’t know…….but I keep thinking back to those times when I dropped in at her home and she would be busily preparing a choice dish for one of her grandchildren or she would be writing a letter to her son ……many little things that are so invaluable and yet failed to ensure that she have dignity in death of being surrounded by loved ones.

I wonder what life is all about, Ashi……….I wish I had a hand to guide me through my confusion, to make me understand the cruelties I see……..a hand that I had …….a hand that was taken away……