एक अकेला इस शहर में, रात में और दोपहर में आबोदाना ढूँढता है, आशियाना ढूँढता हैं दिन खाली खाली बर्तन है, और रात हैं जैसे अंधा कुवां इन सूनी अंधेरी आखों में, आँसू की जगह आता हैं धुंआ जीने की वजह तो कोइ नहीं, मरने का बहाना ढूँढता है इन उम्र से लंबी सडकों को, मंजिल पे पहुचते देखा नहीं बस दौड़ती, फिरती रहती है, हम ने तो ठहरते देखा नहीं इस अजनबी से शहर में, जाना पहचाना ढूँढता है
Gulzar's lyrics in this song from Gharonda, one of my personal favorites. This is one of the songs that your father and I sing to you while we put you to bed and you are nodding off.
If you have to understand the sterility of city life and hollowness of missing emotions then this song reaches out and pulls at your heart. Solo existence is often a freeing experience and one that every individual should go through. I think it helps discover yourself. Solo existence also means being bereft of your family.
Family is not just your father, mother or siblings. Family is also your relatives - the aunt who feeds you every time you meet her, the uncle who is stingy with money but not with the lectures he gives, the grandparent who is forever hugging you, the annoying braggart of cousins………
My life with family meant, each time I stepped out of home, it was with the knowledge that atleast 4 different people would note my goings and report back to my parents, with their very own touch of masala to it. There were family feuds to talk of, elopings that had happened and were always discussed in hushed voices, financial status comparisons and what not. To sum it off I lived a typical indian family life. As would any teenager feel, I used to be bored out of my mind and totally unable to comprehend why the hell my esteemed neigbour couldn’t stop bloody well poking her nose into my affairs!!
So escape in the form of higher studies in a bigger city came as a bliss. I remember the initial days of freedom and the sense of importance and acheivement I carried with me. Small things like stocking food for the week or paying rent for my paying guest accomodation were all victories for they were small steps into the adult world. Finding my way around Chennai (a part of the city itself was atleast 5 times bigger than Thrissur town) and learning a new language were all challenges I was more than happy to take up.
Education completed, I stayed on for employment. The days continued to be good. Slowly, and this phase creeps up to you without your knowledge, came a phase when my friends started getting transferred to different locations and I remained behind. New friends came but they werent as close as the ones that had gone far. Promises to 'be in touch constantly and never be but a thought away' were good to hear, fantastic on paper and seldom easy to implement. Time seemed to start moving slower and slower.
Go to work, get back home, spend time with friends and still the night seemed long…..Despite the mad hectic schedules of work there seemed to be time on my hands and a sense of something missing……... I was missing my family. A home to come back to as opposed to an empty flat.
The thing with life is that, you start off living life for your family, somewhere during your school days friends become the family you choose for yourself, this continues on to your college days……when you start stepping into your days as a working individual the equations start changing slightly……this is when you find friends tend to start their own family. Quite rightly, they are investing a lot of their emotions, time and space in their new family life and as a consequence has very little time for you now.
This is where I salute Gulzar for capturing the emotions each of us would have felt at some point or the other in the most appropriate manner. Days are like emtpy vessels and the night a blind well………wah!
The best of the lot, I have never witnessed these longer than age roads reaching their destinations…..! Too true! There is so much to do in life, be it duties to fulfill or pleasures to experience and never will I be able to finish doing it all. The important part is to not loose sight of the journey itself in my haste to reach at a destination that I probably never will.
