There is a huge part of me that aspires to be the thinking intellectual being with all the right answers and then there is another part of me that loves stuff like the F**k it philosophy (didn't make it up there truly is one! Google it), dancing in the rain, eating like there is no tomorrow and laughing for no rhyme or reason.
Now the aspiring part tends to be the bah humbug one which tells me that life has no meaning unless you get a mention in history, prods me on about spirituality, taunts me on my lack of ambition at workplace, tends to look down on stuff like partying and useless days like v-day.
The other part which was the prominent one during my growing years likes to, at the drop of a hat whip out cards and gifts that would put Santa to shame !!
I sort of look at the aspiring part as the adult in me and the other one as the child in me. Over the years I notice the child in me shrinking and the adult in me growing taller. Finally perhaps achieving the ever coveted maturity in thought and action. But then I normally get my oops moments like when I tore a check of 28K as I was supposed to hand it over for at the UK consulate for my visa submission OOPS! Or like the time I booked my dad for a flight to Delhi on the date he needed but wrong month OOPS! Or like the time I change my married name to marital name after getting the birth certificate done for my child ...gives the impression of child birth outside wedlock OOPS!
Well lots of stories there and not ones I relish recounting but the fact is these moments just emphasise to me that the maturity I think I have is probably an illusion or that maturity doesn't mean you stop making mistakes. Hmmm....haven't totally figured that one !
Anyways so the adult part looks at days like valentines days and registers hallmarks marketing strategies and is sarcastic and cynical to the thought of expressing love on just one day of a year and hello what does it mean? The child part thinks F**k it (you really should read the book on this philosophy) why not just gift my hubby and make him feel special after all any excuse to be happy is a good excuse !!!
Which is why I am now sitting and hitting the stores through the online world and trying to figure out what he needs leading to my next issue. Gifting used to be easier when you were younger coz -
A. You were overconfident and just "knew" that the gift you were giving was just the right thing and totally oblivious of the pained expression on the receiver's face
B. You typically never thought of spending too much anyways so things were more affordable
C. You didn't have to agonise too much over choices coz the person you were gifting was more likely your age group and like you didn't have too many fancy things anyways.
Things changed coz from overconfident I have now shifted to being a person with a higher emotional IQ ( read I now recognise the pained expression for what it is ). I don't gift a whole lot of people coz I realise it sometimes is misconstrued as me hitting on someone or me flaunting money ! ( I thought marriage meant you were at least cleared of suspicion of romantic feelings for anyone other than spouse! Another OOPS!)
Last but not least although my hubby is probably one of the least fussy people I know, he would like to be gifted something that is useful. I guess that's a minimal expectation to have. But after all the wallets, belts, bags, apparel and techy gizmos I have gifted I find I have exhausted my imagination. Not my love though, so the hunt is on and while I still do sort of look down on v day I love having the excuse to make him feel special. So dear child in me if I don't get a good gift this year u definitely will be wrangle you but otherwise good job!!
