My Dad - Part II

Dear Ashi, continuing from where I left off last time, let me cut to the chase. My dad’s not well and hasn’t been for several months now. I won’t go into the medical reasons of his condition but I do want to share with you the anguish I feel right now.

Its difficult to watch the body being eaten away by disease and that is precisely what it does. From the booming voice and laughter that characterizes my dad I now have to see a frail person with no energy to speak. His cheeks have sunk in and his eyes keep fluttering in and out of consciousness. Doctors assure me that this is just a temporary phase and that things will improve. This phase though however temporary is quite painful, to watch yes but much more so to undergo. His arms have blood clots from poked it with so many needles so many times, he isn’t able to swallow as the skin in his mouth has peeled away leaving traces of blood……..

My dad is 69 and by today’s standards that’s not old yet. I know we can expect a full recovery although it will take time to reach that. Logically all the facts and the doctor’s statements tally but emotionally every minute I am with him I just feel like breaking down and crying.  I keep searching in my mind what could be the reasons for this situation but frankly speaking there is no one thing I can point my finger at. Where logic fails reasoning goes out of the window and faith starts to make its way in, for me faith is what gives me strength to face circumstances. So increasingly I turn to god.

I have been now with my dad for 3 weeks and I haven’t yet had a good talk with him because the times he is lucid is few and far between. I guess one thing that is mostly true for all daughters is that we are daddy’s pet and when the chips fall its our dad’s who normally give us a good heart to heart and let us know that things will be okay. It is also our dad’s who make us feel protected and secure the most. I am sure you will be no different my dear and blessed are you for having that cherished relationship.

Before I finish off I want to share one last thing. You are now 16 months old and yet to start speaking, you babble words now but you do understand most of what we speak. Every day you accompany me to the hospital. Every day you bring the light back into your grandfather’s eyes with your antics. Sometimes you give him a handshake, sometimes a smile, sometimes a flying kiss and sometimes just a touch of your cheek and with each interaction with you he brightens up which lifts my heart. Your presence motivates him and for that I am grateful. Thank you my darling.

My Dad

My dear daughter, you are much too young now to understand what I have to say and what I am going through. Unfortunately, I know that you will in the future be in the same place and perhaps then when you read this blog of mine it will make sense to you.

Every child’s hero is his/her dad and I am no exception. I am not blind to my dad’s faults and there are very many at that but I know objectively when I look at him there is respect and a sort of reverence that he commands. It comes from him being a self made man. A term quite exhaustively used in this day and age so let me qualify that. My dad, the eldest son of a young widow has seen life’s ups and downs from a young age. His father’s death quite literally plunged the family into debt and hard times. Difficult to meet ends nonetheless my granny had high hopes for her eldest, despite all hardships she made sure he finished his college education. These were times when value of education hadn’t quite caught up and people in mallu land were going to other states and countries seeking a livelihood after completing their matriculation (10^th standard). Well my granny made sure he completed his graduation and the day he got the degree in hand he was on the evening train to Mumbai to try and get a job. At the age of 21 he reached Mumbai with scant knowledge of Hindi and little or no grasp of verbal English. However through sheer desperation and perseverance he got a job in Bank of India. During the next 11 years he rose to the rank of Foreign exchange manager and he along the way accumulated degrees in law, human resources, finance, etc through evening college. Although he could have rested on his laurels and led a comfortable life thereon, he was still spurred to make money and reach more heights career-wise. With a wife and a 2 yr old son in tow, he decided to risk it all by quitting his job at the bank and catching the next flight to Dubai. People around him declared him mad to be running after what was akin to the Gold Rush. My granny being foremost! Well the rest is a story for another day.

Right now you are sitting on my knee and refusing to allow me to continue this blog. I don’t want you to cry my baby so I will stop for now and come back to this story when you are asleep.

Love you my daughter. Just remember that there are hard truths in life and I would rather you be aware of them than be sheltered from them.  So when there are times when you find me being strict or hard please know that it is with a heavy heart I am being so.